


killua's hurt

by killua_kinnie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Lack of Communication, Post-Canon, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:27:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killua_kinnie/pseuds/killua_kinnie
Summary: This is a short vent fic about Killua being depressed and self harming after he and Gon departed at the world tree.PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY EXPLICIT DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARMLIKE SERIOUSLY STAY SAFE THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO ENCOURAGE ANY BEHAVIOR.i just needed to vent so please dont take this as encouragement to self harm.
Kudos: 9





	killua's hurt

Killua shamefully walked through the dark bedroom towards, careful not to wake his younger sister up. He went into the bathroom and as he was about to reach into the cabinet, his attention was brought to the mirror. He looked sadly at the thin figure, with dark eye bags and scars all over the place. He could barely recognize the body that he inhabited. But he didnt dwell on it for long, as he just couldnt care. He felt everything, but also nothing at the same time. He had once thought that distancing himself from his best friend would help him feel better, but it only dod the opposite. Everything hurt, physically and mentally, and he felt like absolute shit for it. This was his choice. His fault. He couldnt go back now, despite how much Alluka tried to convince him to. She knew that Killua was in deep anguish, but she didnt know what to do about it. All she knew was that he needed to reconnect with his best friend. So everyday she desperately tried to talk Killua into simply giving Gon a call, but he never did. He brushed it off and acted like nothing was wrong, but she knew. She could see how her older brother was losing weight and spending many nights silently crying himself to sleep. It hurt to see him like this, but she just couldnt get through to him. 

Killua quietly opened the cabinet door from under their sink. His hand immediately reached towards the back if the space until he felt the object he was looking for. A cold, small box that probably used to belong to some sort of accesory. A watch perhaps. He couldnt remember, but it's not like it mattered. He opened the box and froze for a short moment when he saw the shining silver piece of metal. It still gave him chills whenever he first saw the razor. He ignored those warnings from his subconscious though, and held it in between his fingers carefully. Slowly rolling his sleeve up, he revealed lines upon lines of different scars from his past. Some were mostly faded, while others were from earlier in the week. They varied in size and color, direction and depth. Each scar was unique, in a beautifully heartbreaking way. Killua gazed over the mutilated skin for a moment to look for an open spot. Once he decided where he would create the new wound, he pressed the razor firmly against his flesh. Then applying a fair amount of pressure, he slowly slid the metal across his arm. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist as the pain quickly began to set in. Tears welled up in his eyes, as did blood in his newly made cut. He watched it fill up for a second, before going to work at making sure it doesnt get infected. His tears never spilled though. They just sat at the edge of his bottom eyelids until they dried back up. Killua was so exhausted from crying, and didnt have the energy to hide it from Alluka. So he just kept it inside as he rinsed off the bloody razor. He had bandaged his cut to make sure it didnt cause any serious problems. After the clean up was done, he put everything back away how it was, and walked back to his bed in a defeated manner. The silver hairded boy looked across the room to the other bed that his sister was sleeping in. He watched and listened for a few moments to check if she was really asleep. After comfirming to himself that he was probably safe, he turned on his side and tried to go to sleep. He fell unconscious soon after, making him unable to hear Alluka's quiet sobs. She knew what her brother did to himself, and it destroyed her inside. She had to make him see Gon as soon as possible. Otherwise, she was terrified of what could happen.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one sitting cuz i just needed to vent, so im sorry if it sucks. Idk why i cope this way but i guess this is the product. i hope you enjoyed??? do with this what you will i guess. JUST PLEASE PLEASE STAY SAFE
> 
> YOU ARE LOVED AND WORTH IT


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